40 Things Tobi Learned
by InfinitePossiblities
Summary: 40 Things Tobi Learned in the Akatsuki. WARNING: Extremely random list-fic written on a whim.


**40 Things Tobi has learned from being in the Akatsuki**

1. I can not make an Akatsuki Newsletter and include articles such as Fashion Advise, What to do if Your Hair Looks Like a Girls.

2. I am not allowed to plant Zetsu in a flower pot, wrap him with a bow tie and leave it outside Leader-Sama's door with instruction to water periodically and turn toward the sun.

3. I am also not allowed (after 2) to take pictures of Zetsu's and Leader-Sama's expressions and use them for blackmail (even if all you want is cookies).

4. I should never ask Leader-Sama why S-rank criminals wear purple nail-polish.

5. The same goes for cloud robes.

6. I am to never call Deidara DeiDei, especially in front of the people we are supposed to be capturing.

7. I am never to steal cookies from the cookie jar, not matter how close I am to death.

8. I am never to remodel Deidara's room while he is away on a mission, even if I am sure Deidara's favorite color is pink.

9. The same goes for any Akatsuki member's room.

10. Deidara may like donuts, but he does not appreciate them being shoved in his face.

11. Do not allow myself to be bribed into revealing Akatsuki Secrets, no matter how delicious the cookie looks.

12. I am not allowed to sing Blue when ever I see Kisame (even if it is under my breath).

13. I am not allowed to poke everyone's foreheads, pretending I am Itachi.

14. Baking is not a criminal hobby.

15. Especially if you are baking cookies.

16. Even more so if you dress up as the cookie fairy and give every Akatsuki Member a cookie for being a "Good Boy".

17. Leader-Sama does not appreciate being dressed up as Santa Claus, even if all the other Akatsuki members are dressed up as elves.

18. He especially doesn't like it if you take a picture together with his "little helpers".

19. Hidan does NOT like painkillers.

20. Especially if he is force fed them right before one of his Jashin Rituals.

21. Toothpaste is meant to go on the toothbrush, not Deidara's face.

22. Kakazu is not the ideal opponent when playing Monopoly, he gets very involved.

23. Deidara does not find blonde jokes humorous (especially because the blondes are girls).

24. It is not a good idea to get Kohan drunk.

25. Itachi does not appreciate being asked if he wears contacts.

26. He also does not appreciate being asked what conditioner he uses.

27. Or why Uchiha's are so obsessed with their hair.

28. Shouting out the word "waffles" randomly in a top secret meeting is considered disruptive.

29. It is considered even more disruptive when you sing the waffle song.

30. Leader-Sama does not appreciate being woken up with a trumpet blast in his ear.

31. Leader-Sama does not appreciate uniform suggestions, especially ones that resemble clown suits.

32. It is not a good idea to tape the end of the toilet paper to the roll in the bathroom, no matter how amusing the resulting faces are.

33. "Tobi is a good boy," is not a suitable catch phrase for a criminal.

34. No one in the Akatsuki will see the true skill it takes to imitate a roaster, especially if you demonstrate in the morning.

35. Kohan gets extremely frustrated when you ask her to teach origami, but spend the whole lesson ripping the paper into tiny squares, imitating a shredder.

36. Cover everything in the Akatsuki's Evil Lair with pink fabric or paint causes Leader-Sama to go in a frenzy trying to get it all off before he goes blind.

37. Deidara turns very red if you ask him if he will talk to you about the "birds and the bees".

38. After watching a scary movie, I should not rig the whole lair with bobby traps to keep out the monsters, because instead I will have 8 angry Akatsuki members to deal with in the morning.

39. I am not allowed to bring stray cats home and train them to attack anyone who approaches the cookie jar.

40. I learned that everyone in the Akatsuki has very short tempers.

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**There you go, my 40 extremely random things Tobi has learned, written on a whim.**

**Please review.**


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